shut up dante

Many people may know Ben Conoley. He’s an editor at Punknews.org, a staff member on the Vinyl Collective message board, a law student studying labor law and practices and an all around awesome guy.

I met Ben for the first time at The Fest 6 in Gainesville Florida. I had an awesome time getting to know Ben and quickly found he was not only a person I liked to hang out with but a person I admired and respected. We developed a friendship that was (at least in part) centered around music and our love of The Fest. As early as November 2007 we were already talking about next years Fest and how excited we were.

Recently, (with the announcement of the official Fest 7 dates) Ben and I have been chatting quite heavily about the upcoming event. My joy was, unfortunately, constantly tempered by a statement Ben kept making. “If I have the funds”, Ben would say. Now, I realize a freelance writer/editor (if that’s what you call it) and law student doesn’t exactly sound like a tag team of big money but I found this option was unacceptable.

To help ensure Ben’s attendance at this year’s Fest I have decided to sell a number of my records on ebay (you can find them here http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQsassZdante_blaze). All proceeds will go to helping Ben attend this years Fest. If the sales cover his plane ticket, all remaining money will go to hotel rooms, rental cars and any other expenses.

Ben is an amazingly awesome guy and shouldn’t miss out on such an opportunity because of funding. Help out and pick up some awesome records in the meantime.

07-13-08…Be Ready.

I work for a non-profit. Part of my job is to work with people interested in holding events at the Museum. We charge a rental fee (very small compared to nearly all venues of our stature and capacity) and I’m one of the people on site who write contracts and serve as a point person for clients. While I do give the clients the rental information, I don’t in any way establish the price. Nor (as a fairly entry level position) do I have the authority to issue sponsorships or large price discounts (unless you have VP in your title, you can’t do that).

I get used to people dropping casual hints about seeking a discount. You get the occasional, “well, money is tight for this event”, “It’s not easy being a non-profit” and even, “I’m going to have to mortgage my house to pay for this event”. I’ve become a good negotiator and with the little bit of leeway I’m given (less than 10% typically), I can ussually work out a contract with a client that makes them happy and makes me look like a hero.

Still, you get the occasional client who just refuses to either let up or give in. These clients make you want to claw your eyes out. The client who signs a contract for a day rental and then screams that they thought the rental was for the whole day (all 24 hours of it) and they had planed to use it as such. Or worse, the client who seeks a full sponsorship (meaning they pay $0) and will not leave me (not the person who approves sponsorships) alone. You relay the information of, “I can pass that along to our executive staff but I can not approve any discounts” as much as possible but it makes no difference.

Recently, I’ve come under fire by the most relentless group I’ve ever met. They’re looking to hold a sponsored conference with the proceeds going to orphanages (very noble). Unfortunately, we reached our sponsor limit for the quarter so the VP declined their request. However, this has not prevented them from calling/e-mailing/visiting me on a nearly weekly basis. Each exchange is littered with little guilt trips as to why we should host their event. Things like, “you should of read the stories I am getting from those orphanage houses from developing countries “, ” life of the child saved - that’s what it is”, and “I’m visiting orphanages I’ll try to video tape and document everything”. And while I appreciate it’s noble work, it’s like complaining to the cashier at Burger King about the price of your Whooper.

I just hate getting guilt tripped, especially when there’s nothing I can do about it. I wonder if these people act this way with everything in there life. “Sorry I was speeding officer. I was just off to visit the dying children of the orphanage. Guess the money I use paying this ticket won’t go to dying children.” “I’d like a plane ticket to New Orleans, where I will be visiting the sick orphans left from the hurricane. Can I get this ticket for free? I mean, I’m saving dying kids”.

The odd part is that the place I work is a non-profit too. Maybe I’m not saving dying children but I do work for a company that makes no profit and I don’t think we can really sustain our existence by doing good deeds or has the government started excepting hopes and dreams as legal tender?

So you ever have one of those, little joke ideas that you laugh at but never do? You know, your buddy chuckles and goes “Dude, we should totally…” and then a dumb idea follows. You never actually do the dumb idea, you just think it would be way funny.

Well, I’ve done the dumb idea. When I was at work the stapler jammed and when I cleared it out I found the problem was there was a staple that had one normal leg (about 1/4 of an inch) and one leg that was about 1/2 normal length (that’s 1/8 of an inch if you’re curious). I chuckled to myself and said, “I should totally sell this on ebay as a one of a kind staple”. Those around me chuckled as well and moved on. However, for reasons unknown to even myself, I held on to the staple. As I brewed on the idea I asked others and everyone agreed it’d be really funny.

So (like an idiot), I went ahead and made an ebay listing. The goal of the listing is not to sell said staple but rather to see how many people I can get there. And what’s the best way to get traffic? Why digg.com, of course. So I had my buddy Nariman create a Digg entry for the staple.

So now my goal is to get as many people as possible to view the auction of “Stumpy” and maybe even keep watching until the bitter end. Do I think it will go for money? God I hope not. But if it actually sells for more than enough to cover ebay fees I promise to give at least some of the money to a real charity (if I can, in good conscious charge someone).

So please, SPREAD THE MESSAGE OF STUMPY!! Encourage others, not to bid but at least watch this auction. Let’s get as many people as possible on this.
Cheers!

I discovered through a friend that there’s a place near me that has a challenge to eat a 20″ pizza. If you do you apparently get your picture on a wall of fame with Joey Chestnut and you get a t-shirt. Sweet deal! I’ve done some dumb eating before (including 250 shrimp and a 5 pound burrito in 7 minutes) so I figured I’d see how it goes.
So I went down to the place and picked up one of the 20″ “belly busters” to go and I thought I’d take it home for a trial run.
Here’s some pictures

20″ of delicious!

Belly buster Versus The Bronx (II)

Now when you’re about to eat something insanely large there are somethings you want to do. Here’s a list of those things and exactly how I failed at them.
1) Don’t eat most of the day before. Typically, when I’m doing a huge food undertaking I don’t eat during most of the day. It makes sure that I’m hungry and that my stomach is empty. This is why you never do an eating challenge on a whim. However, that’s exactly what this was, a whim. It was also a weekend so I had really sort of grazed during the day so I hadn’t been really hungry all day.

2) Do not take anything that’s harsh on your stomach before hand. Pretty simple, right? You want a settled stomach so it isn’t more upset when you ram shit down your throat. Unfortunately, I didn’t sleep too well the night before so I drink an energy drink on a mostly empty stomach about 40 minutes before this undertaking. Needless to say I wasn’t in top form.

3) If possible eat something simple. When you’re eating an insane amount of something (even something you love) you’re not going to enjoy it near the end, that’s just a fact. My original plan was to get a bland pizza (as you need two toppings), however I thought that if there was food leftover my wife wouldn’t be so big on eating mushroom and onion pizza, so I went with Hawaiian. And, with this much food, pineapple and ham is a big mistake.

It’s also helpful if you can eat a food you like. Sure it may not matter later in the eating (as you’ll be sick of it) but it certainly doesn’t help if you hate every bite from the get go.

I got the pizza home, set it out and got some distilled water ready (I figure with all the grease and nitrates I’m going to need something to help get it out of my body). I started around 8:14pm. By about 8:29pm I was almost half way done, but was experiencing problems. I was eating at my coffee table so I was literally hunched over the pizza, not giving myself room to expand (which is key in this element). Additionally, I was starting to notice that food commercials on TV were grossing me out and I was just generally having trouble watching TV and not becoming annoyed. About 8:38pm I was noticing that the pizza was getting really cold and there was way too much sauce (and the sauce was grossing me out). I took a second to warm some of the pizza up but it’s a bad sign when you start to dislike the food. I tried to push a few more pieces down but in the end I was left defeated.

Here’s how much was left:

FAIL

I mean, I certainly could have done worse but it doesn’t seem worth it for the three hours I spent sitting upright because it hurt too much to lay down. Given the right circumstances I could probably do it, but I don’t really think I want to try any time soon.

I’ve always felt Jason Webley’s work was best summarized by the first three songs on his album Against the Night. The first song, the title track, is a slow ballad that moves along at a measured and beautiful pace. The second song, “2AM”, is an accordion driven foot stomper that Jason frequently asks fans to sing along with at shows (despite the only lyric being the occasional bellow). The third song is an odd number called “Entropy” that is various noises and some spoken word. Experimental, at the very least. Give or take, each Jason Webley album has been those three formats in differing measures. This “formula” isn’t a bad thing either. In those three formats Jason has crafted some of the most impressive music any self described “control freak” has ever made.

So what’s the result when an accomplished musician daringly breaks a proven formula? Sometimes it’s catastrophic, and sometimes it’s Jason Webley’s new album The Cost of Living, a 10 song album that breaks boundaries for a man who barely had any to begin with.

The album starts off with the song “Still”, which seems to pick up with the classic “slow ballad” format that Jason has mastered in previous albums. However, the song slowly gains momentum throughout its course and by the end Jason has transitioned from his ballad singing melodic voice to his bellowing growl, often compared to Tom Watts. The song caps off with an ever expanding musical number that almost has hints of This Will Destroy You, picking up slowly into a massive pinnacle and then letting you down almost instantly.

As the album progresses it takes a definite somber tone, lacking the care free tunes of previous Webley albums such as “Rocket to God”, “Drinking Song” and “Mayday”. However, somber does not mean slow or subdued. The album is nearly manic depressive with Jason calmly reflecting on numbers like “Almost Time” and screaming inner turmoil on “Little Sister”. On songs like “Bride” Jason actually seems to build himself into a frenzy as he begins with a measured songs about meeting the one you love and finishes in a rabid tone using violent imagery in the context of love.

Musically, Jason is as sharp as ever and he seems to have assembled a solid backing band (consisting of Jherek Bischoff on bass, Alex Guy on viola and Michael McQuilken on drums) who can keep pace with him. This is one of the only Jason Webley albums where the music is not overshadowed by the song writing. The band knows just when to come in full force and when to fall back and accent the lyrics. The result is a tight knit sound that can create great sweeping musical numbers (”There’s not a Step We Can Take…”) or bare bones instrumentation (”clear”).

The end product is a very different album than I was expecting. It’s undoubtedly a Jason Webley album, but one unlike he’s ever made. Gone is the differing styles of songs that created a great but disjointed album, and in their place are more cohesive songs with a stronger central theme. Though this album was created at the cost of the fun sing-a-longs of albums past, they have been replaced with songs that can be both melancholy and ecstatic at once. The Cost of Living is a more somber album that proves beauty doesn’t need to be slow and that yelling can be melodic.

Overall:
8.3 out of 10.0

So I really wanted to do a recap of The Fest, especially considering Punkass.org has taken so long getting one up. The only thing is I face three main problems, 1) I’m an awful writer 2)I really didn’t see the bands people cared about 3)it’s kind of a different experience for each person. I mean, just because I saw Bomb the Music Industry! on Friday night doesn’t mean some other kid wasn’t rocking out to Naked Raygun (they played at the same time…right?). And something that meant the world to me, might not mean shit to anyone else. So how do you cover something like that? I don’t really know. All this serves as is a way to remember a great weekend when I’m trying to remember the last rad thing I did. So, in no real order or sense, here’s my Fest recap.

So I flew in Thursday. It was a pretty sweet flight since I got to move to the emergency exit row for the flight from San Francisco to Atlanta (which leads to my next point that the emergency exit seats should be decided by a timed obstacle course before the flight. The people with the best times get those seats. I’m sorry but being able to huck up an extra $40 or buying your tickets 10 years in advance does not qualify you as physically responsible for my life). I landed in Gainesville and picked up my pimping, gold Pontiac Grand Prix, which is somehow in the same economy class as my requested Ford Taurus. From there I take about 4 hours to sit in the parking lot and figure out my “Neverlost” navigation system (I suppose it’s true that you can never get lost if you can’t ever move). My hotel reservations through the Fest website were only Friday through Sunday, so I took the initiative to make reservations at the Days Inn for Thursday…MISTAKE. It didn’t bother me that the lobby was dark and creepy or that the dude behind the counter had the big ol’ coke pinky nail. I was only slightly perturbed by the smell of urine in my room. I was mostly pissed by the horrible wireless internet that dropped every 3 minutes and the fact that the AC unit in the room didn’t work. Luckily I didn’t plan to stay much in the room.

I showered (in what smelled like swamp water) and headed out to see an art show featuring Horse Bites, a fantastic artist who is also in a killer band. At the show I ran into Vanessa from Fat (as she’s his publicist it makes sense). She said hi, I didn’t recognize her at first…I then said something awkward and sort of huddled away (I’m so smooth). I also met Chris’s friend McKenzie (sp?). Dude was rad and I’d run into him a few more times over the weekend, didn’t talk to eachother much but he’s a solid guy.

Went and ate some dinner and headed over to the rustic Rush Lake Motel and Nature Preserve to see Chris and meet Ben (sidenote: I would develop a secret mancrush on been that, while strong, is forbidden and must never be realized). We hung out, drank…Somewhere in there the dudes from The Riot Before showed up (I’m pretty sure).

I’m going to take a minute to break the fourth wall (or the space time continuum) and say this:
See The Riot Before. They are not only rad dudes, but their live set was the most surprising thing I saw all weekend. There were a ton of amazing bands and I’m not taking anything away from them, but no band surprised me more or exceeded my expectations by as much as The Riot Before. It’s insane to me that this band is still a relatively unknown band.

After some drinking (and a walk to the corner liquor store), Chris, Ben, Garret (of The Riot Before) and I walk down to the local Steak N’ Shake for a ton of red meat and something covered in cheese. Shortly after I headed back to the motel to sleep with my lights on.

Tomorrow was a big day. Had to pick up Sound Guy Nariman, get into a new hotel and somehow figure out what band to watch…This is taking much longer than I thought…I’m going to break it down into days and I’ll add more later. I’m probably not going to forget anything else, or become more boring in the next few days.

The bands name is Andrew Jackson Jihad. They’re primarily two guys in the band but more played on the album. The name’s politically based…Totally ask them about that. This review is all about their album People who can eat people are the luckiest people in the world.

Andrew Jackson Jihad’s recent full length People Who Can Eat People Are The Luckiest People In The World starts off with the perfect synopsis with “Rejoice”. A song that, on the surface, seems happy and upbeat. However with lyrics like “Rejoice despite the fact this world will hurt you/ rejoice despite the fact this world will kill you/ and rejoice despite the fact that this world will tear you to shreds/ rejoice because you’re trying your best” you quickly get the point that this album isn’t all posicore folk. However, the song sets the tone for the painful and beautiful journey that is seen through the eyes of Andrew Jackson Jihad.

The album is chocked full of songs that, despite their upbeat nature, seem to tap into a much darker side of music. This can range from songs like “Brave as a noun” with lyrics like “It’s sad to know that we are not alone/ and it’s sad to know that there’s no honest way out” to “Bad Bad Things” which takes the perspective of a murder describing how he murdered a persons family to a member of the family before slitting their throat and smashing their skull. But these surprisingly dark and depressing lyrics are tempered by two factors. First is the bands ability to deliver them in a surprisingly up beat fashion. With the guitar and upright bass taking the songs at a up tempo pace you may not catch most of the content on the first listen. The other factor is the remarkably positive aspects Andrew Jackson Jihad can pull from even the most depressing moments.

People is an album that doesn’t tumble head long into “everything is great, we’re gonna change the world”. These guys know the world and they know it can be a cold and awful place but it doesn’t stop them from believing in change or from caring about people or the world around them. Though it may not work out to a 1/1 balance of depressing to uplifting, when those moments come they are all the more important and relevant because of it. The final track “People” might just be the perfect song to end the album with, proclaiming “People are impatient and they don’t know how to wait/ people are selfish and people are prone to hate/ but god I love some people sometimes because people are the greatest thing to happen”.

The album can take you to harsh, depressing and confusing places but also has moments that uplift you and make you remember what is great about humanity. With awkward, shaky and endearing vocals and bare bones instrumentation and production Andrew Jackson Jihad has crafted a “folk” album that expresses the most basic and necessary view of the world around them.

Overall:
8.1 out of 10

So I was getting all my information together to go to The Fest and I realized I had booked my return flight for Tuesday the 30. Not only do I have work on Tuesday but I don’t have a hotel or rental car booked through Monday. Needless to say, my hopes weren’t raised when I looked at Delta.com and saw one way flights for no less than $545.

Fortunately, I called in and (after a half hour of waiting) managed to get my flight changed to Monday for only $100 plus a $70 transaction fee. Still a hell of a lot of money but No more than any of my other options.

I coordinate events for a living and I almost botched my whole trip…I must suck at my job.

I was recently recommended to a new record store in my area by a friend. I suppose it’s not really a “new record store” it’s a new store of a fairly well known local chain. Anyways, he said they have a very cool vinyl selection and I should check it out. Being the snob I am I was in doubt. I love shopping for vinyl online, it’s fast, it’s easy and it’s easy to get pressing information. I have found most local record stores (that don’t specialize in vinyl) tend to be good places to find easily accessible vinyls (Dead Kennedys re-pressings, and lots of shit on low grade black vinyl).

I was proven quite wrong.

First thing I found out is that I can’t read. This was obvious when I was thumbing through what I thought was the punk vinyl thinking, “there’s very little punk in this” only to realize it was the indie vinyl. However, I did note the indie vinyl housed a metallic 12″ of Minus the Bear’s Planet of Ice (which is out of print). I thought about snagging it but as I’m not a huge Minus the Bear fan I figured I’d leave it for a real fan to discover (and sell on e-bay).

So after going through the punk vinyl selection I was totally amazed. I’ll be kind and only post the shit I bought (that I’m sure no one cares about).

1) An old copy of the Rites of Spring LP. I’m not sure how old but it’s a little weathered, the back says “Full length stereo LP $8 postpaid from Dischord” (the LP is now $10 on their website) and it says Made in France (not sure if that means anything). Best of all I got it for $5. So even if it’s fairly new (two weeks) I got it for less than price.
2) A copy of Converge’s No Heroes on clear vinyl (1/500, first pressing). It’s a little nicked and it’s missing an insert but I’ll take it (it’s about the music not the insert).
3) O’ Pioneers!!! Black Mambas. This is still easily accessible but I never had the urge to buy it until I saw it in the store. The packaging is crazy. It’s 99% solid black but if the light hits it just right you can see the lettering and the logos and such. Additionally, there’s no real case, it’ just paper that’s folded around the record in a sleeve, gotta respect DIY.
4)…and finally, my best/possibly worst/oddest find of the night. I will explain in order why it’s all of these things (potentially). First it’s a Slapstick 12″ LP, I love Slapstick, so this is great. It can be bad because I thought it may have just been an Asian Man Records vinyl (which are around $5 when Mike sells them at local shows) and I paid $7, so I could have over paid.
Now why it’s the oddest. I currently can find no record of this album existing. It’s 23 songs long and has most of the same songs as their 25 song CD, but it’s missing the last two. Additionally, the artwork is different than the art that appears on the CD. So I’m left to wonder, did I just land some Slapstick collectors dream? Did I stumble across an ultra rare record? Or did I simply come across an everyday pressing and pay $2 too much? or worse is this some cheap ass fraud that some kid threw together to make money off of Slapstick? Hey, if the Phenomenauts have unauthorized releases why not Slapstick?

Anyhow, I wrote Mike Park (I don’t know, maybe it’s a crazy thing to do but I didn’t know who else would know) so hopefully that mess will be sorted out soon. But one thing is for sure, local record store can always surprise you.

P.S. Yes, I’m leaving the name of said store out of the post because I plan to return and pillage again soon.

***UPDATE***
So, I checked with Eric from O’ Pioneers!!! and apparently my copy is one of the death metal covers with a red insert so it’s one of fifty (1/50)…nuts.
Additionally, I heard back from Mike Park and he said the Slapstick LP is one of five hundred that they pressed and there’s one on e-bay right now for $50. Not bad.
Record stores: They’re way less shitty than I thought.